CHAPTER 1

Who Are We?

For purposes of ease and comfort, on your part, we are called Kuthumi. The name comes from one of many thrusts of our overall identity into your physical world's history. The name suggests little more to you. Like the shell of a body which you now inhabit/encompass, the name you bear projects a field of energy which you fill with your being and try to make your own throughout your life. Because you identify yourselves with and through what you call yourself, it has a very real power to shape your existence. We, on the other hand, will gladly answer any call of the heart and spirit that reaches out to us. In fact, let's try a little experiment.

Take a moment to reach a quiet state of being. Any method that works for you will do nicely. If you already have a relationship with your inner guidance, however you define that, call for that energy to fill your awareness. If you remain uncertain about such guidance or how to reach it, you can just as easily skip this step, for now. Generate and hold in your heart the desire to understand. It can be focused on a particular aspect of your reality or it can be a more general desire. Either way, let your desire to understand grow inside you. Feel it fill you with each inbreath until you feel that you might explode with longing. Now, with all your heart, ask for help. Reach to the edges of your imagination for the wisdom and acceptance of truth. Ask clearly and sincerely for the answering touch of spirit. Suspend all judgement and hesitation, all thought about how your universe appears. Just listen intently and know we are there for you.

Feel the air around you begin to change. Feel the tingle in your spine, the touch of the air on your limbs and head. Feel the temperature rise a little within and outside you. Feel your emotions begin to quiet and your thoughts settle into a more subtle flow. Let the ideas begin to flow without focusing on them too much. Just allow us to touch you.

We invite you to make this contact often. Practice setting aside your judgements about whether or not you deserve to be touched by us. We are multidimensional and can be pretty much everywhere at once. Truly, we are not a single entity like you think of yourselves as being. We are one with the entity of which you are a small part. We are, in fact, you. We assure you that you would not experience our presence otherwise. By calling on us, you open yourself to the portion of your being which is in constant contact with us. We are far more function than form and a part of the fabric of your human reality. We are shared by all who work in this planetary identification called human. Call us whatever you like, but please, call us!

Now, don't hold any expectations about what contact with us "should" feel like, what format it "should" follow or what the content of our conversations "should" be. We speak through your own inner voice. We use your vocabulary, your way of perceiving reality and the rythym of your own thoughts. As you become accustomed to our "presence" in your life, more of the personality construct with which we identify will be allowed to come through. Keep in mind that we are not some possessing entity. We exist in a portion of reality which knows a degree of unity that is mere myth to you. We interact with a portion of your being that speaks to you in moments of silence, in your dream state and directly to your body at the levels of cellular awareness. Our impulses create a resonance within you which gets expressed to your consciousness if you allow that to take place. What speaks within you that you may identify as Kuthumi or Christ or Serapis and so forth, is actually your spacious self resonating, vibrating to our pulsations. You need not fear us or any other contact with spirit. Your integrity as a being is total and inviolate. All portions of your infinite self are available to you when you muster the imagination and chutzpah to ask. The greatest danger you have to face in life is dissociation. Whenever you block off the experience of yourself by denying your identity, you risk losing a portion of yourself, not forever but surely in the moment. It takes infinitely more effort to retrieve such pieces of your identity than to let the experience of the present moment flow. You will observe this happening most closely in your emotional experience and so we most often begin our teachings there.

Recognize that you live on God, in God, through God and of God. There is never a precious moment of your existence not made entirely of God stuff. There is need neither of fear or of guilt. All That Is, is without flaw. It is entirely whole. Every event, inner and outer, unfolds in perfection. We urge you to have stupendous faith. Through faith you can take the courage to explore the vastness of your Self. Know that every event, inner and outer, unfolds to fulfill the ultimate purposes of the universe. The greatest portion of your being is intimately involved in choosing that purpose and supports your every experience in life. If you take but one thing from all these words, let it be "Relax and let it unfold." The portion of yourself which creates the universe you experience, follows the Will of God. Everything you experience is designed to take you along with that Will. You are not in mortal danger at every turn, at any turn. However things may appear, you are always moving "forward" from where you are.

This brings us to describing what reality "looks" like where we come from. To translate such a broad multi-dimensional scope in your terms can only be accomplished through metaphor. To create your world you have had to narrow the focus of your awareness to the finest of points. You have immersed your consciousness in this focus so completely that even the realm of your own thoughts is mostly foreign to you. Let us offer you an experiential example of the vastness of awareness we occupy.

Sit on the edge of your seat with eyes open and hands clenched. Let your vision go soft. Focus on nothing in particular; everything in your visual field. Open your hearing to all the ambient sound your ears can accumulate. Next, open your tactile senses to feel your whole body, feel the areas of tension, warmth and cold, the air on your skin, the pull of gravity. Feel your breath, the pulsing of your bloodstream, the firing of your nerves. Open further to the sensation of your energy outside your body. Pull into you consciousness the "feel" of the room about you, the other people around you and still hold the cues from your other senses. Now, open your emotions. Let whatever they are move and flow through you. In this space you haven't attention to make judgements or place definitions onto this ever flowing energy. Just feel it. Now include your thoughts into this diffuse mix. Again, let them flow. If one pulls you into it, quick as you notice, go back to the beginning and bring to your awareness all the previous steps. It only takes a moment with a little practice.

Now comes the payoff. When all your senses, inner and outer, are filled with the rich immenseness of all this ambient data, your spiritual body becomes available to your awareness. With your "normal" consciousness fully occupied, the overload will make it blink on and off. Relax and experience! We don't mean so much for you to relax your body here but to relax the effort to judge and to expect. Open to all experience in its wholeness. Within that wholeness are pockets of true silence. In that silence we have our existence.

Now, if you have recovered from this little excursion, consider the results of practising this technique regularly. It will quickly push you into closer contact with the ineffable part of your true identity. It will, quite literally, change your life. You will come to experience your life's events in their wholeness as the flow of spirit into matter. Won't that be fun?

You can imagine countless variations on this experience. With a little intent, you can draw in spirit with each breath, touching gratitude for the precious gift and feel your attitude change immediately. You can let your imagination play at shifting from the receiving victim, influenced by everything and everyone around you into a powerful transmitting tower of life force, pouring your love and joy out into the universe. All it takes is desire.

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Ah desire! It is desire that propelled you into this realm of sensation and it is desire that will bring you beyond it. Now all you Buddhists hold on a second. We are not contradicting your favorite phrase. Desire is NOT suffering. Desire simply IS. Suffering comes from attachment to the results of desire. Desire is your experience of the Will of God. It is the ever flowing spirit of expansion, ever seeking itself. In the vastness of your being, you ARE God on a quest for His identity. Yes, God is having an identity crisis. His momentary desire which we experience as an infinite universe, is to know Himself. He seeks awareness of all His individual parts as you seek awareness of your own cells. His desire is what powers you. It is mirrored in the desires of your body as you crave food, or sex, or the elimination of wastes. It is His desire that powers your cravings to serve and to understand and to seek your own identity.

Open to the flow of desire through your life and you will touch God at every turn. What you observe in the world around you is God acting upon His desire to experience every imaginable facet of this marvellous physical universe. From the pulsing of stars and planets to the most "hideous" of human acts, it is God at play. Whole cultures spring up to enact various facets of experience, almost arbitrarily defining good and bad, right and wrong, to lend structure to each set of facets. No culture can point to another and say with assurance "We are Good and you are Evil." All cultures have their divine mixture of expansion and contraction. Your culture may choose wealth and power as archetypes to worship while another chooses ritual murder and torture. Neither is better nor worse, just different aspects of an infinite God.

Follow your desire! There are no acts of God that condemn you to damnation. All acts are Acts of God. There simply are no "shoulds". If you embrace the power of your desire, you get to choose in each moment how to express God in your life. Opening to the flow of desire opens you to the infinite. Setting aside judgement of self and others reveals the joy which is inherent in this ever pulsing flow of desire.

We suggest to you that your greatest desire is to express who you really are. Acts that do harm to any do harm to you. They express your fear of your own self. They run counter to your desire. Acting on your desire will not lead you into heinous crimes. It will lead you to discovering and enacting the joy in your hearts. It will lead you into accepting your own divinity and inherent perfection. It will lead you on a pathway to self discovery that rewards every step with happiness and fulfilment in as much as you will allow yourself to feel.

We suggest that you rebel. Cast aside what those around you value most. Leave behind the beliefs of your childhood. Boldly go in search of what you truly value now, and in the next now, discard that as well. Release your attachment to even your most cherished beliefs. Immerse yourself in the glorious wonder of your universe. Each moment of your existence embraces an infinity of experience. Why withhold so much from yourself just to maintain your narrow, limited and only seemingly stable world?

You have gone out of your way to sterilize your universe. You have convinced yourself that the very nature of your universe is predatorial, dog eat dog, survival of the fittest. It is no wonder that you doubt the existence of God. Some even doubt their own existence. Nearly all deny their existence at least in part. Those that do not deny the experiences of themselves move on to other universes and are hated and revered on the earth. Still, step by excruciating step, all follow the desire of God into the unknown.

Soon or late, you will learn to trust this inexorable desire. We suggest you go willingly, joyfully, into the full experience of yourselves. The next time you stub your toe or cut your finger or feel pain of any kind (and don't worry, it will happen soon), take a good moment to go right into the experience. Notice your resistance to being in pain, feel the fear while you extend your awareness into your body. Don't deny anything about your experience. Be with it! Explore the shape and color, the outrage and the thoughts within the pain. Ask for the message in the pain. Assume there is one, nothing happens without purpose. Ask how to soothe and relax the inflamed nerves. Access your most exalted ideas of yourself while you are focused there in the pain. Trust that wholeness is truly who you are. Don't expect a miracle, go along for the joy and total experience of being alive. Don't block or deny any of it. Evaluate and analyse your experience later. Learn how you function inside. We cannot tell you that. Our words would have little meaning for you. Each time you have pain, physical or emotional, follow this course once more. Allow! Don't block or deny. Learn!

It may be hard to imagine that pain could be an expression of your inner desires. The intense focus you maintain in order to stay in your physical body represents an amazing accomplishment. Still, you take it completely for granted. Is it all that surprising that you are not aware of how completely you structure the reality you inhabit? You are quite unconscious of the psychological mechanics of your immense creation. Look at the circumstances of your life and marvel at the thought. Each and every action and object you experience flows directly through the interplay of your psyche. If you hold the slightest conflicting beliefs about yourself, you will create pain of some sort. The more subtle the conflict, the more subtle the pain. What is really surprising is that you can hold such huge conflicts of self that dire agony can be yours without you even being aware of what those conflicts are.

Our friend here, for instance, has experienced the gamut of gross and subtle pain as a result of such conflicting self assessments. As he pursued a path in life as a householder, he continually repressed his strongest feelings, covering them with depression, anger and frenetic activity. As feelings are the result of a natural flow between positive and negative (or male and female or yin and yang) states of being, they are inexorable. They cannot be healthily suppressed. Grabbing and holding the inner movement of these states of being effectively slows down this natural flow. These states condense into definable thoughts and set up an energy resonance within the field and finally, if held long and hard enough, take on physical density within the body. This one's predilection for control brings such gross energy movements into his bones and musculature and injury there is most common with him.

His desire to be loved, which sparks a deep seated fear of vulnerability, created a set of inner conflicts that hold tremendous potential for power. When this desire builds in the face of such ambivalence; when his craving to be loved is thwarted by his fear of the consequences of being loved, large emotional waves get stirred up inside of him. As he experiences these waves and responds with heightened fear, the energy strongly drawn inward with the desire for love is bundled up by being withheld and forcefully experienced as anger. The experience of anger is then withheld and it too densifies, turning into depression if mild enough or exploding into the body violently in the form of injury to muscle and bone. In fact, such injury is more therapeutic for him and his frantic physical activity allows more release of this build-up than depression could.

Once injury has taken place, the real healing can occur. In the emotional lull which coincides with the forced rest after physical trauma, there is a time of quiet in which the overwhelming feelings can be reviewed. The most surface layers are, of course, the most accessible. It is here, when they have bled off their energetic charge that they are least threatening. The choice to go into those feelings at this time is a crucial one. If left in the dark so to speak, the energy which fuels the experience of them will be added to the already existing collection of withheld experience further masking deeper layers of pain. This sets up an even greater possibility of future physical pain.

Our friend here has sufficient power of will to accept or deny great swells of experience. He loves deeply and withholds with great force. After years of demonstration of this force with a long series of physical injury, he finally began to own the experience and go looking for the causes. As this process had been quite unconscious for his entire life, he needed a few passes at it to begin to see the cry for love at the heart of them. First, he began to notice that his injured joints became inflamed in fairly specific circumstances. There were definite ties to the women in his life. He began to directly ask the cause of his pain, feel it more deeply and express it more honestly. He looked back at past trauma to find the consistent threads between various experiences of injury and as the pieces began to fit, act more assertively on the desire which is at the root of them. Slowly, the messages in the pain became more clear. Healing took place on many levels. He began to dismantle the habitual blocks to the expression of mixed emotions a bit at a time. The more he spoke of his craving on the one hand and the fear that craving inspired, the less force these feelings translated to his body. Deeper and deeper into the past experiences of them he explored, reaching more and more subtle layers all the way into infancy. All this while he was learning the simple mechanics of repression creating pain. The shape and substance of his life has been transformed by this healing process and the significant moments of joy grow longer and larger and far more frequent.

This analysis boils down to certain definable steps to the healing process. First is the desire to be healthy that must be acknowledged and fostered. You must accept that you deserve to be healthy. We suggest you contemplate the idea that robust health and vigor are the NATURAL state of the human body. These attributes, of course, are expressed uniquely and each person chooses the limitations of their own body in selecting the genetic codes at conception. Don't think that sperm and egg are without consciousness for instance. Choices are made even before conception. Natural vitality is the expression of the free flow of spirit into matter. Acceptance of that flow always results in vibrant good health once the pre-existing blockages are removed. The more you accept the flow, the faster the cycling through those blockages takes place. Only the most surface layers need be felt as pain. Quickly learned is the knowledge that pain is not the point of the exercise, only the necessary result of resistance.

Let yourself go into your pain, a bit at time. Even if all you discover before medicating, is that the pain changes. If you relax the muscles around the pain you will realize some important principles in action. Play with the pain the next time you wake up with a headache, while waiting for the aspirin to kick in. Look for tension in your neck, ears, and forehead. Force yourself to relax and feel the fluctuations in the pain. Go ahead and ask directly what the message in the pain might be. Don't judge or anticipate, just listen. It will be subtle at first. Hearing the messages takes practice so be patient. Look especially for the desire which is the motive force for your experience. Strip away the fears which block that desire. Your learning curve will be as long as you choose it to be.

By recalling the belief in your right to be healthy, you bring up issues of victimhood. If you wake with a sniffle and assume you have a head cold coming on, you assume yourself a victim of some unseen life form within you. What you have is a sniffle, a simple mucus discharge, toxins being released, a healthy state of being. Replace the victim attitude (nine days of a miserable cold) with your new idea of yourself as naturally healthy and robust. This new idea will be tested and may even lose out occasionally at first to the old one. Keep the faith and you may come to live out your days without any more head colds or flu. Look carefully through the emotions you express in those last few colds. Notice how the suffering feels emotionally. Listen to the self pity and helplessness you express. Feel the symptoms of suppressed weeping. Better to learn to monitor and understand these principles with a mild virus infection than with more dire disease.

The Rest of Chapter One