An Emotional Primer for Men
Chapter 3: Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the feminine side of the coin we discussed in the last
section. As such, it is going to require a little more of us than the honest
self reflection side. This is the side that releases our demons and completes
the process. It does take a little faith that releasing the demons does
not allow them to come back and haunt us once more. In fact, they definitely
do. We never stop being aware of the demons we release; they have become
part of our larger identity. We have embraced them. However, releasing
them takes away their power to hurt us. When back they come, they have
so much less charge that we can handle them with great ease. We have forgiven
and are no longer bound by their evil (OOO! I don't like that word!). Anyway,
that is the point of the process and the promise of it as well.
There is a Universal principle in effect here. The Law of Grace supersedes
the Law of Karma. When forgiveness takes place, the ties that bind are
released. True forgiveness is the acceptance of the wholeness of an action.
We see both (or all) sides of a coin and accept them equally and the cycle
of experience is complete. There is no more karma binding us to the cycle
and we can move on. For instance, if we experience an act of abuse and
successfully place ourselves in the perspective of both victim and perpetrator,
the act is complete and there is no need for balancing or karma. There
need be no repetition ‘til we get it right. There is no binding of the
parties involved to even the score. All is forgiven and all is released.
It really is that simple. Ascension (ah another commercial) is the result
of total forgiveness of self. The fact that we have not yet ascended indicates
that we have not finished forgiving ourselves yet. So let's Grace it and
get on with it.
In order to inspect and explore our inner weaknesses without going starkers,
we need to step outside ourselves. Go ahead! You may Take one Giant Step!
The trick to this improbable act is perspective. It is the feminine
act of holding a wide focus. Looking narrowly at our pain and trauma will
only traumatize us all over again. Worst of all, we will learn little about
ourselves in the process. We must learn to place our feelings and experience
into a larger context than just our personal lives and selves - in fact,
the larger the context the better. What will it matter in a hundred years?
Or perhaps, in an infinite universe? Can't get much bigger than that! We
can practice toggling back and forth between the personal narrow focus
of our inner feelings and the expansion into more universal principles.
Even just comparing our feelings with those of others (like women do all
the time) can provide perspective and validation which makes our feelings
easier to deal with.
So, we courageously delve into whatever trauma has our focus for the
moment. We face that pain with honesty and faith in ourselves. We accept
responsibility for the experience and place it into the perspective of
our larger selves, our souls. We see the experience as a flow of universal
energy, an act of God, understand at least that it is an opportunity for
us to learn, not a condemnation of our spirit to some nameless Hell. We
allow that larger perspective to have as much power as our identities have
and poof! All gone! Well, maybe not all gone but the power of the trauma
is lost. There is forgiveness.
Let's look again at the act of abuse. From the perspective of the victim,
we see a self image under attack. Whatever form the abuse takes, the victim
feels at some level deserving of the act. When the victim finally looks
honestly at their experience, not placing blame or making excuses, they
must recognize this dynamic to some extent. When they reach the point where
they choose themselves over the abuser, they have toggled onto the strong
side of the equation. They would not have reached this point of strength
without the abuse to mark the path. Realizing this dynamic sets up forgiveness.
The abuser truly did them a great service (with risk to their own karma
at that). Recognizing and appreciating this act of spiritual kindness releases
both victim and perpetrator from needing to repeat it in any way, externally
or internally. Should some vaguely similar circumstance recur, it can be
handled with much greater speed and ease. It is no longer a lesson to be
learned but one mastered.
Each foray into our feelings is an opportunity to bring to completion
some cycle of experience. We can reach forgiveness at each turn, if we
are open to doing so. Forgiveness is an act of embracing, of offering our
experience to a higher perspective and a higher will. The more clearly
we see this broader perspective, the more fully we can forgive ourselves
for having the pain we experience. We have grown from it and embrace ourselves
all the more because of it. And we are off on another adventure as a result.
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