An Emotional Primer for Men

Chapter 5: The Layered Onion

Anything which we refuse to acknowledge or express gets stuffed back down into the emotional body to be added to the many layered onion.

Let's take this down out of the ether a little bit and consider our emotional selves once more. By the previous description, all experience is the result of energy interacting with the structure of our being. Only the frequencies of energy which resonate with us interact with us. All we can perceive is ourselves whether we choose to accept that as so or not. When we do not accept that, we suppress, repress, displace project and so on in order to block that energy impacting us. Essentially, we lock the energy inside ourselves so we don't have to experience it. We cannot push it away because it is us. Sounds self defeating doesn't it?

Every similar experience of energy that we respond to in this way gets layered onto the previous ones like the layers of an onion. This is the same process by which matter forms from the movement of energy. The same principles apply. Eventually, these layers can become pretty dense. They form aberrations from spirit to the physical body and back again. They can get so dense that their very nature can be obscured from our view. We need to back through each layer and experience what we've blocked and release it. This is not as overwhelming a process as it might sound at first. It is very natural and we can learn to let it flow fairly easily with practice.

Once we begin to accept our experience as expressions of perfection in action, the energy of them can pass on through. Release (forgiveness) takes place. Often, the energy passing through will resonate with the accumulated blocked energy of past experience and set it into motion in our awareness as well. This is a wonderful opportunity to release old pain and withheld feelings. It certainly doesn't seem so wonderful at first glance. It just plain hurts sometimes to let the old stuff go. Embracing that pain, allowing ourselves to actually experience what we've previously denied, releases that layer of the onion. It too becomes part of our identity.

Once we are on the path to healing, our life gets filled with a series of painful experiences. We are releasing these old trapped sources of pain. Each time we let go, it gets easier and goes faster. Our sense of identity grows larger as well. At times, we can experience emotional states that seem to have no connection to our life circumstances. Even ambient energy can set off another layer. How odd!

Flow with it. Don't resist! It can't hurt us! (Yeah, right.)

This brings us to the active side of healing: Expression. Some folks call this Living Our Truth. Passing through the balance point and flipping from hurting to healing, we feel a growing compulsion to express what is going on inside us. This is an act of courage which opens the door to real healing and releasing. We acknowledge by showing the world who we are, our belief that we are OK in spite of the trauma we feel. In deed, we are OK BECAUSE of the trauma we feel. Our growing willingness to take down the barriers of our personal selves and show others who we perceive ourselves to be creates the space for healing to take place. Health at all levels is the expression of self acceptance. We must become able to “Damn the Consequences” and be real with ourselves and each other to be healthy. Without the active expression of wholeness, we just continue the process of adding new layers to the onion of our emotional pain.

This is a battleground more familiar to the guy in us. Here, aggressiveness, confidence and bluster work for us. Yesss! At this point, we can address our fears as challenges to our honor. We can pound away at them gleefully. Well, maybe not gleefully, but there is joy in this direct confrontation. Each time we tell someone whose opinion of us affects our opinion of ourselves (someone who "really matters" to us) who we really are and what we really feel, we face our dragons, sword in hand. Geronimo!!! (Ooops, a mixed metaphor, eh?)

If such an expression elicits the loving support and compassion of others, we feel as fulfilled as any life experience can offer us. It’s a heck of a reward for taking the risk! Should the unthinkable occur and our self revelation is spurned, well, these folks didn't really want to know US anyway. We can consider ourselves liberated from those who were merely using us to bolster their own delusions and satisfy their ego needs. Isn't that a nice way of saying "Screw'em"? It stands to reason that if we have gotten someone to "love" us by showing them what they wanted to see and not who we really are, then they never really loved us at all. So some of the people in our lives will stand with us in this battle and others will flee. The former can bring us greater joy and the latter only more sorrow. Not such a hard choice after all. We do, after all, have the Right to Joy.

I recognize that this flies in the face of nearly every lesson from our childhood. I propose a strong dose of anarchy in this prescription. "Be Yourself" may be a common suggestion in our culture but few really mean it. Most mean "be yourself as long as you are like me!" That is the message that most of us have internalized growing up. It reflects the fears of nearly every authority figure who has entered our lives. Now that we've come so far, we get to flaunt authority in a most seditious fashion, undermining the very essence of our culture (conformity) by doing just what we've been told to do all our lives. Be Yourself! Isn't it Ironic? Doncha think?

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