An Emotional Primer for Men
Chapter 5: The Layered Onion
Anything which we refuse to acknowledge or express gets stuffed back
down into the emotional body to be added to the many layered onion.
Let's take this down out of the ether a little bit and consider our
emotional selves once more. By the previous description, all experience
is the result of energy interacting with the structure of our being. Only
the frequencies of energy which resonate with us interact with us. All
we can perceive is ourselves whether we choose to accept that as so or
not. When we do not accept that, we suppress, repress, displace project
and so on in order to block that energy impacting us. Essentially, we lock
the energy inside ourselves so we don't have to experience it. We cannot
push it away because it is us. Sounds self defeating doesn't it?
Every similar experience of energy that we respond to in this way gets
layered onto the previous ones like the layers of an onion. This is the
same process by which matter forms from the movement of energy. The same
principles apply. Eventually, these layers can become pretty dense. They
form aberrations from spirit to the physical body and back again. They
can get so dense that their very nature can be obscured from our view.
We need to back through each layer and experience what we've blocked and
release it. This is not as overwhelming a process as it might sound at
first. It is very natural and we can learn to let it flow fairly easily
Once we begin to accept our experience as expressions of perfection
in action, the energy of them can pass on through. Release (forgiveness)
takes place. Often, the energy passing through will resonate with the accumulated
blocked energy of past experience and set it into motion in our awareness
as well. This is a wonderful opportunity to release old pain and withheld
feelings. It certainly doesn't seem so wonderful at first glance. It just
plain hurts sometimes to let the old stuff go. Embracing that pain, allowing
ourselves to actually experience what we've previously denied, releases
that layer of the onion. It too becomes part of our identity.
Once we are on the path to healing, our life gets filled with a series
of painful experiences. We are releasing these old trapped sources of pain.
Each time we let go, it gets easier and goes faster. Our sense of identity
grows larger as well. At times, we can experience emotional states that
seem to have no connection to our life circumstances. Even ambient energy
can set off another layer. How odd!
Flow with it. Don't resist! It can't hurt us! (Yeah, right.)
This brings us to the active side of healing: Expression. Some folks
call this Living Our Truth. Passing through the balance point and flipping
from hurting to healing, we feel a growing compulsion to express what is
going on inside us. This is an act of courage which opens the door to real
healing and releasing. We acknowledge by showing the world who we are,
our belief that we are OK in spite of the trauma we feel. In deed, we are
OK BECAUSE of the trauma we feel. Our growing willingness to take down
the barriers of our personal selves and show others who we perceive ourselves
to be creates the space for healing to take place. Health at all levels
is the expression of self acceptance. We must become able to “Damn the
Consequences” and be real with ourselves and each other to be healthy.
Without the active expression of wholeness, we just continue the process
of adding new layers to the onion of our emotional pain.
This is a battleground more familiar to the guy in us. Here, aggressiveness,
confidence and bluster work for us. Yesss! At this point, we can address
our fears as challenges to our honor. We can pound away at them gleefully.
Well, maybe not gleefully, but there is joy in this direct confrontation.
Each time we tell someone whose opinion of us affects our opinion of ourselves
(someone who "really matters" to us) who we really are and what
we really feel, we face our dragons, sword in hand. Geronimo!!! (Ooops,
a mixed metaphor, eh?)
If such an expression elicits the loving support and compassion of others,
we feel as fulfilled as any life experience can offer us. It’s a heck of
a reward for taking the risk! Should the unthinkable occur and our self
revelation is spurned, well, these folks didn't really want to know US
anyway. We can consider ourselves liberated from those who were merely
using us to bolster their own delusions and satisfy their ego needs. Isn't
that a nice way of saying "Screw'em"? It stands to reason that
if we have gotten someone to "love" us by showing them what they
wanted to see and not who we really are, then they never really loved us
at all. So some of the people in our lives will stand with us in this battle
and others will flee. The former can bring us greater joy and the latter
only more sorrow. Not such a hard choice after all. We do, after all, have
the Right to Joy.
I recognize that this flies in the face of nearly every lesson from
our childhood. I propose a strong dose of anarchy in this prescription.
"Be Yourself" may be a common suggestion in our culture but few
really mean it. Most mean "be yourself as long as you are like me!"
That is the message that most of us have internalized growing up. It reflects
the fears of nearly every authority figure who has entered our lives. Now
that we've come so far, we get to flaunt authority in a most seditious
fashion, undermining the very essence of our culture (conformity) by doing
just what we've been told to do all our lives. Be Yourself! Isn't it Ironic?
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